Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Naked & Afraid

Does anyone watch Naked & Afraid on Discovery? We usually watch it (and by usually, I mean during the weekend when we're searching for something to watch and happen to see it listed). If you haven't seen it, the show takes two survival experts - one male, one female - and drops them in a remote location. They're naked and supposed to survive for 21 days. Sounds fun, right?

Nate told me he wants us to do the show. Bahahahaha. I have no doubt that Nate could survive. Me, on the other hand, not so much. He said he would take care of me (I am the mother of his child), but I still don't want to do it.

First of all, I eat consistently throughout the day. Every couple of hours, I'm ready for a snack. In the jungle/swamp/desert/island, there probably won't be snacks available. I'm also opposed to eating bugs (unless I'm on the Amazing Race because hello, that's a million dollar bug) and don't do well with food poisoning (does anyone?). And going without food isn't acceptable. These people lose 20 or 30 plus pounds in three weeks. In one episode, all they had was one turtle in 21 days and then one of them got sick (bet it was salmonella or something). No thank you.

Second, who wants to walk around naked? Sure, these people get crafty and make coconut bras or palm hats, but that's...not enough. What about shoes? Seeing the thorns they pull out of their feet makes me ill. When we were vacationing in Paris, I got a really bad blister on my foot (sorry, that's probably kind of gross) and Nate wanted to stick it with a needle (ick, really gross) and I cried for 45 minutes in the hotel because I didn't want him to (he did eventually and it didn't hurt). So, if the lure of Parisian streets isn't enough to take care of a blister on my foot how the hell would I survive naked in a remote location? Not happening.

Finally, can you imagine the shots they have to get? And the nastiness that enters their system while they're out there? The dirty water and unsanitary nature of being outdoors (I realize that's probably a sad statement). My dad knew someone who got a worm in her eye from drinking the water in South America. A WORM in her EYE. I just can't.

Does anyone else find this appealing? I think it's truly nuts. And at the end, they're like wow, I really proved a lot to myself. I'm awesome. But I don't have an urge to prove myself. I really don't. I like running water, hot showers, readily available food and um, clothes. Also, three weeks without the Internet?! (Don't judge me - you know it would suck)

Clearly, Ethan is going to have to spend a lot of time with Nate as he gets older so he's exposed to all things nature. Although, I don't mind fishing (except, have you ever hooked yourself? Damn, does that hurt).


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