Monday, May 19, 2014

Response to: Apology to All Stay at Home Moms


Last week, an article went viral (OK, it popped up on my Facebook feed from several people) and while I applauded it at first, I'm now having second thoughts. Scratch that - I'm still applauding it, but I have some additional concerns. Let me explain.

Daddy Fishkins, a stay-at-home dad blogger, wrote an open letter about how hard it is to be a stay-at-home parent. He openly admitted that prior to staying at home, he was guilty of thinking things like "must be nice to sit around and watch TV all day." To prove how difficult it is even on a good day, he broke down a typical day with his kids by the minute. One minute he's trying to get work done, the next someone is on his head. Or his kids are still in their pajamas at 2 p.m. when it's time to walk to the bus stop to pick up their older sibling. And the chores don't get done in a timely manner because frankly, who has time for that? Basically, he's not sitting around watching Judge Judy all day.

And all of us stay-at-home parents applauded him and sent his blog post around the world on a viral mission of enlightenment to better inform our spouses who are probably thinking we sit around watching TV all day.

So, what's my issue you say? My issue is that it took a MAN to legitimize the role of a stay-at-home parent despite the fact that the majority of stay-at-home parents are in fact, women.



He openly says that he never believed his wife was so busy (because she was lying about her crazy day, obviously), but now that he's saying it, it may as well be gospel. And we sit here as a society and eat it up.

But what if I had posted that blog? Everyone would've jumped down my throat for it. "Quit complaining, it's not like you have to work for a living." "Don't you take naps when he does?" "If I were home, my house would be spotless." - sound familiar? I can't tell you how many people I've heard say those things. Now what did those people say to this guy? Probably something like, "Oh what a saint. Sounds like he works his fingers to the bone. Hope his wife appreciates him."

....

Where is the equality? It's just like men being paid more to do the same job in the workforce. Now men are getting more respect for doing the same damn job as stay-at-home mom. How is this even possible? It's not even a level of mutual respect. They're actually being praised MORE. What the what.

It reminds me of another blog post I read awhile back from the Matt Walsh Blog about how he ran into a friend at the coffee shop (it was a woman) and she asked how his wife was doing. He said she was still at home with the kids and she made some comment about how nice it was, but what does she DO all day??

.....

Even women are guilty of thinking badly of stay-at-home moms. We need a mental shift in our society. Taking care of your children is not something that should be looked down upon or seen as an excuse not to work. Taking care of your children is a full-time job, without the paycheck, but with its own rewards. And if I tell you I'm wicked busy with my toddler, I'm wicked busy with my toddler. And you should know this when I can't keep up with the conversation we're having about primetime television (that's usually my finish dinner, do the dishes, make my husband's lunch, put the kid in the tub, get myself ready for bed, get E down for bed, pick up the toys all over the floor, try and have an uninterrupted conversation with my husband time). Oh and during the day, if the TV is on, it's on PBS kids. So while my math skills are sharper than ever thanks to Peg+Cat, it's not exactly what I would call "sitting around watching TV all day."

But I'm a woman, so what do I know, right?

Cheers,
Jen

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