Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Unexpected Poop

Yep, that pretty much sums up my day. Let's break it down, shall we?
  • Poison control. This morning, E decided it would be a super idea to eat some of Nate's deodorant. And before you get onto me about watching him better, I was standing right there. Apparently while I was brushing my teeth, he was "brushing" his with a finger full of blue deodorant. At first, I thought he was only playing with it and then I got a whiff of Old Spice coming from his mouth. Sigh. Made a call to poison control and she told me not to worry and not to feel bad. Apparently, they get this call all day long. Not sure if she was trying to make me feel better or if that's true (either way it made me feel better). And no, we can't childproof the drawers because we're renting and have no desire to buy new cabinetry. Hopefully the taste was deterrent enough for the future. Ugh, poop. 

  • At the tire place at 9 a.m. On Friday, a friend noticed that I had a huge roofers nail stuck in my back tire. Good thing she did because I had planned on going to the zoo in Waco with them on Monday and it's probably not a good idea to drive a busted tire on the highway. After several days of dealing with the tire folks I went in Monday to get it fixed. However, the truck delivering my tire hadn't arrived. The manager made a call and the delivery truck was stranded in Waco because its brakes went out. No joke. They assured me a tire would be there within an hour. Three hours later I got a call to come in that evening. Instead, I decided to reschedule for today because swim lessons were canceled due to the water restriction in the area. It only took about 45 minutes and E couldn't have been any better, but still, tires at 9 a.m.? Poop.
  • Literal poop. My parents were in town today so they wanted to go to lunch. E decided not to take a morning nap (poop) so I hadn't worked out and my hair was dirty (double poop). Before they got to our house, I decided to change E's diaper. This was a good call. As some of you know, I change E standing up because he hates diaper changes. I never smelled it, never felt it and the poop was totally unexpected. I undid his diaper, let it fall on the carpet and there in all its glory was a huge pile of mushy poop. And when I called code red, the only person there to help was me, myself and I. So I flipped him onto his stomach and carried him to the second floor so that the mushy poop caked to his butt wouldn't touch me. While I'm doing this, he's eating snacks out of his cup (because that's appropriate) since his tank is now on empty. I put him on his changing table and he promptly sits up and smears poop everywhere. He refuses to roll over and I'm forced to clean him up while he stands there. There is now poop on his foot, my hand and the changing table. I finally get him cleaned up, throw away the trash and come back only to realize that I did NOT put on a new diaper and he's peed all over the blanket on the floor. "Uh oh" - yeah dude, uh oh. 
  • After lunch, I had to pick up a prescription at the PX satellite pharmacy. It didn't go so well. E was asleep in the car so my parents took turns sitting with him while I waited for my number to be called. It took an HOUR to get to my number. And then they tried to skip over me! Normally I'd try to spin this story into something funny, but it was far from humorous. Let's just say, I wrote down names and I've filed complaints. The health care staff here is consistently rude and unprofessional. Finding someone pleasant and knowledgeable is rare and it should be the other way around. And that's as much as I'm going to say except for poop. Lots and lots of poop.

So here I sit with dirty hair, sans workout, eating chocolate chips out of the bag while watching an extreme weight loss show (they make me hungry). Tomorrow we have a play date at a cupcake shop, which I'm hoping will get rid of the poop aura surrounding me. In the meantime, I need more chocolate.


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