Wednesday, January 21, 2015

I'm sick. Where is my mom?

I realize that at the age of 31 I should probably have the whole "handle an illness on my own thing" down pat, but all I want right now is my mom and a Michael Jordan triple cheeseburger from McDonald's.

Don't judge me.

E has been sick since last Thursday (oh hello, 2 a.m. ER visit) and I either caught it from him or from one of the other sick people in the waiting room (or Target, the grocery store, the gas station - you get the picture). E seems to have finally hit an upswing with his illness after fighting a fever every day for nearly a week and a particularly stressful trip to his regular doctor yesterday morning. An episode that resulted in lots of tears and a swift kick to the doc's leg while she was trying to look in his ear. I'm pretty sure at this point they're hoping we'll move far, far away never to be heard from again. Can't say I blame them. As soon as I pulled into the clinic parking lot he started saying no, no, no and held his chest clips together on his car seat. Yeah, that was a good sign.

Right so back to me (obviously) - whatever I caught seems to be getting worse. I was up around 3 a.m. with a sore throat (it felt like fire every time I swallowed) and when I got up for good around 8 a.m. it felt like a mild version of the flu. Body aches, low grade temp, breathing through my mouth only to have my nose start running profusely with no signs of stopping, nausea when I stand up - I AM SICK. And I want my mom. Did I already mention that?

Since I'm nursing, I rarely take any kind of medication but I was desperate this morning. Luckily, my friend doesn't mind me texting her for medical advice (thanks, J!) and I found some meds in the house to take. I'm not cured, but it's more manageable for the most part.

Naturally, once I started feeling better the mom guilt kicked in. How many days have we been at home? How many times have we watched Frozen? Has my kid, who is in the "best learning phase of his life" learned anything in the past week other than the words to Frozen? Seriously, he's obsessed. He sings the songs and knows the hand gestures. He "sneezes" when Olaf does. We had to take drastic measures and put him on a once a day limit. A rule I begrudgingly broke about 30 minutes ago. Scratch that - more like willingly broke. He hasn't taken a nap yet today. It's 4 p.m. and he hasn't had a nap. WTF. I need quiet time. I just want to sit in this rocking chair and drink my sixth cup of tea in peace.

Although, to his credit, he's been a peach today. E was a bear yesterday, so he must realize I'm hurting today. We've had minimal tears and tantrums today. And when I crumpled to the floor in pain (this actually happens often - today it was from hitting my ankle on the metal piece of his baby gate), he bent down and gave me a hug to make sure I was OK. And even though he hasn't had a nap, he's eating snacks and watching Frozen without complaint. He's even looking at his flash cards, which I pulled out an hour ago in a feeble attempt to assuage my mom guilt about the recent lack of learning.

At this point, I'm trying to coast. Nate should get off work in an hour (hopefully) and then he can come home and help out. My most recent dose of meds is slowly kicking in, too (hallelujah). I'm so grateful that Nate is home right now and not in the field or downrange. If only my mom still lived here! I would've sent out an SOS this morning and spent the day curled in the fetal position only lifting my head for sips of tea and bites of cheeseburger.

Instead, I'm going to sit in this chair and try not to fall asleep until Nate gets home while my child watches Frozen for the second time while still wearing his pajamas from last night.

Motherhood - nailing it.


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