Thursday, July 9, 2015

50 Reasons My Toddler is Screaming

Technically, this is supposed to be the Earth, but I think we can all agree that it also resembles a toddler in meltdown mode.
(Photo courtesy of
I think every toddler goes through a phase where they scream everything. Happy, sad, upset, scared, excited -- everything comes out as a scream. When I started the list, we were knee deep in scream city, but we've since made a clean exit toward speaking loudly. And yet, I still remember the screams like it was only yesterday. Or was it yesterday? I think I need a nap.

If you're going through said screaming phase maybe you can relate to some of these. And for those that aren't, remember that these aren't necessarily "bad" screams. They run the full gamut from pissed to cloud nine.

50 Reasons My Toddler is Screaming
1. He doesn't want purple grapes. He wants green grapes. 
2. He's at the movie the middle of a movie. Paddington Bear! Penguins! 
3. He wants to wear his pajamas to the park. 
4. He wants our dog to chase him.
5. Our dog is chasing him.
6. He's wearing shorts. He wants to wear pants. 
7. His shirt got wet. 
8. We dressed him up in an Olaf costume (this screaming may have been justified. He sure was cute though). 
9. We're in the grocery store and he's naming aisle numbers. It gets progressively louder until I acknowledge said number. 
10. He's pretending to be a purple minion. 
11. Daddy is home from work (this one is sweet, right?).
12. He doesn't want to leave the park. 
13. He doesn't want to leave Target (oh wait, maybe that one is me). 
14. I won't let him eat the entire pan of rice krispie treats.
15. He's smashing blocks.
16. He gets cut off after one glass of juice.
17. We're at the library. 
18. He wants to swipe the credit card at checkout. He also wants to hold the receipt, which he will drop in the parking lot and insist we chase down. 
19. He wants to go outside. Probably during the hottest part of the day. 
20. He doesn't want to wear sunscreen. 
21. He doesn't want to wear underwear (And Nate wonders why I keep putting off potty training). 
22. Someone is pooping. It may or may not be him.
23. He doesn't want me to put lotion on his dry skin.
24. He doesn't want a tissue.
25. He wants all the tissues.
26. He doesn't want to be covered up with a blanket.
27. He needs a drink of water. Saying "no water" really means "yes water."
28. He wants to play on the iPad.
29. He wants to look at the movie section in Target. Movies! Movieeeeeees!
30. He wants to sing slippery fish.
31. He sees numbers somewhere. Numbers > Letters.
32. He wants to feed Layla. He does not want your help.
33. He wants to lick the spoon.
34. He sees a rabbit in the yard.
35. His hands have something on them (dirt, melted sprinkles, poop - you name it)
36. He doesn't want to wear his swim suit.
37. He sees the shooting water at the splash pad.
38. He doesn't want to get into his car seat. He wants to ride in the wagon.
39. He wants to put the fruit in the bag at the grocery store. We have a lot of bruised fruit.
40. The slide has water at the bottom of it.
41. He wants chicken and fries for lunch. Do not offer pizza. It is an unacceptable substitution.
42. Someone is in the shower. It's not him.
43. He's pushing a suitcase around the house. Screams will turn hysterical when it falls on his foot.
44. He doesn't want to take a bath.
45. He doesn't want to get out of the bathtub.
46. He dropped his snack on the floor.
47. Our dog ate said snack on the floor.
48. Our dog refuses to open her mouth and give his snack back.
49. He doesn't want a replacement snack. He wants the one in her stomach.
50. His mom is slowly ripping out her hair while throwing new snacks in his general direction.

I could probably keep going, but then you'd be screaming too and really, isn't it loud enough already?


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